11 Eylül 2015


“Dreaming, after all, is a form of planning.” – Gloria Steinem

Yes!!! I’ve just found the inspiration that has a real impact on my way of life. It seems that i’ve been forgetting to do something lately; Making plans, dreaming the things which will make me happy!

I used to write down every idea and plan that came to my mind and always dream big things which have been relying on long term periods. Although, i have been getting far away from my dreams in recent days, i feel that i’m still the same girl. Because of this, everyone keeps telling me that i’m a strong dreamer and i need to focus on the real things which are possible to be realized or reached, otherwise i will be disappointed. However, i’m not on that line yet. I mean, i’m not that much hopeless yet!

When i was at primary school, i wasn’t dreaming big and expensive doll houses or any other toys. In fact, i was dreaming to be a dancer who would dance behind well-known pop singer in Turkey. We were sharing the same dream with some of my friends. Thus, we created a girls group and started to imitate the dancers behind the famous singer. We worked hard on the original choreography and from our side, we did a great job. Yet in time, my dream has lost its brighteness. Well, i was 8; wasn’t dancing that well, and noticed that i was jeolous of the girl who was playing the singer in our group. Lol!!! Afterwards, started to think that i should be a singer, not a dancer! Then, i begun to dream to be a singer in the future and learned every single song i heard on the radio to work on my voice. Ask to my mum; How many songs did she listened from me and how many times we changed nanny :)

Since my being singer dream was not completed by a real experience, it kept getting bigger and difficult to reach. Guess what? Because of i thought my voice was not the best voice in Turkey, i wanted to combine it with my “being an actress” dream. Eventually, i mixed all of my dreams and reached one big dream; Playing in a musical!!!! So that, i could dance, sing and act! This may sounds  fanciful like children’s dreams but when i somehow dreamed this, i wasn’t that small. I was at high school and knew myself as well as my limits.

(By the way, during that years, i discovered that i could also write poems and trials using my creativity <i guess you have already have an idea how i can find different ideas and match them :)> but, i wanted to save this idea to use in the future in case of the times come and i cannot find something to dream anymore.)

What i was saying before? Yes, musicals! I was attending as much as theatre classes, workshops and any other activities to improve myself and achieve my goals. Finally, i found myself in a EU Project named, “Universal Language of Art”. This was perfect! I could finally try my chance, use my talents and prove myself on the stage to my parents, friends, and even other people who don’t care about me and my life 😀

We prepared a small performance in English, which includes sections from our cultural values, then went to UK to meet with other project members from England and Italy. We stayed at British students’ houses with our Italian friends for one week and performed our show with them. As an initial aim and a big part of our project, we prepared a new show together by splitting up groups consisting members from different countries. As a result, we proved that art has no language except body language 😉

Now, you may wonder the reason why i told this story ?

That memory was my breakeven point. Unfortunately, thanks to that project experience, i admitted myself that i could never be a big star in this area. Since i wasn’t blind, i was already aware of  that my talents are scarced and i couldn’t fool myself. I wasn’t the girl who was that much ambitious and could do every thing she can until she gets what she wants. The important point is, i didn’t want to be that girl; I could not miss anything from the real life while i was trying to realize my dreams; this was not what i needed even though i wanted to achieve the success. In fact, I was the person who should  do that kind of things i mentioned before as hobbies to enjoy her life, spend valuable times with her friends and so on. So this wasn’t the end for my adventure of dreaming but was a new and fresh start to create other dreams; let’s say future plans!

To get back to the main point, when i was reading a post on Forbes’s web site today, i saw the quote i shared at the beginning and this woke me up! I just begun to ask myself tens of questions;

  • Who am i ? (Ok, ok i admit!! This question was asked by Sophie too many years ago;) )
  • Why am i here? (This one was also owned by the first adolescent to find a reason to get in depression :))
  • Where am i ? (Believe me, this one contains more than making check-ins on Swarm :))

and lots of questions like these. But the most important ones were as follows;

  • What i have done until now ?
  • What is my dream?
  • What are my plans for the future ?

After i tried to answer all the questions above, i realized my recent mistake; I haven’t been dreaming (correspondingly planning) anything for my future in last months. I was only too focused on graduating from the university as strongly as i could. Even i dreamed something big, i was warned by someone who was trying to encourage me to finish the school (i can’t blame them, i had some responsibilities and someone should have been reminding me this.) Consequently, i made my world smaller and smaller day by day. The university life i begun with lots of fun, energy, events, social projects and so on seems ended with no inspiration for further steps. Of course i had some ideas in my mind but i’ve never brought them to the table to discuss and decide on what to do next. Nevertheless, i don’t regret since i believe in every experience is a lesson learned.

Obviously, there is one thing which describes my sense of dreaming; feelings! I always dreamed something has sentimental values because i knew that i could only be satisfied with feelings and emotions. If you’ve been careful about my sharings above, you must see that i believe in dreams which brings emotional satisfaction; whether as happiness, peace or pridefulness. This is why, i always want to reach and experience more with reminding to be happy with small things, for sure.  Well, i’m  sorry for the materialist people but i cannot imagine a world where people only be satisfied with money and can’t find any other cure…

I know, there are people who have the same thoughts and feelings with me; confused about what to do next, blame themselves for the things they haven’t done yet or cannot live their dreams without thinking the rest! By writing this post, i just wanted to show you that you’re not alone. The picture we dreamed is just need some courage to be drawn.

Starting today, let’s make our dreams and plans clear as much as we can by creating a roud map to achieve happy end. Because, when you clearly know what you want to achieve, it is always easier to omit other things which could make you slover on your road. This is what i have decided to do! Being sure about what i want for my future and which dreams i really want to realize!

Since we have been pulled in a hell by the government so far and we have a real pain in our hearts because of the deaths in the country, it may be difficult to make future plans for us but we should try to do our best to not lose our positiveness. It’s always important to bring the wisdom forward in such situations. I believe in innocence and everybody will get what they deserve sooner or later! The last thing we can do is probably losing our hopes. As long as we keep our dreams and hopes, good things become real and feed our souls.

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